Thanksgiving today is a mild-mannered holiday full of football, hot apple pie, and family reunions.  However, it still causes us to focus on things we are thankful for.  Let me share with you, some things we should be thankful for.

We should be thankful that God has created us in His own image, (Genesis 1:26-27).  I rejoice that my Creator gave me an eternal soul to dwell in my fleshly body.  Not only can I feel a sense of divine kinship because I bear the imprint of the God who rules the universe, I know that death and the grave isn’t the end of my existence.  My eternal soul will live on throughout all eternity.

We should be thankful that God has given us freedom of choice.  Joshua told the children of Israel, “Choose you this day whom you will serve…” (Joshua 24:15).  Although making choices for myself is a very serious thing, I’m thankful that I’m not a robot programmed to do certain things without having an alternative.

We should be thankful that God loves us in spite of our sins.  Since we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God, it is a marvel that God has not banished us into oblivion.  That’s we deserved, yet, His mercy is great!  His pity is unsurpassed!  And His loves reaches out to the lowest and vilest of sinners.  God gave His only begotten Son to die upon a shameful cross so that we might be saved.  The apostle Paul says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  (Romans 5:8).

We should be thankful that we are not left to walk in darkness.  God’s word is meant to show us the way.  “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path,” (Psalm 119:105).  We wouldn’t know which way to turn if we had to direct our own steps.

How do we express our thankfulness?  I’m not sure that I know the complete answer to that question.  However, I do know that it’s much more than just our expressing “thanks” one day each year.  I rather think it’s by being thankful every day, and by living a faithful and obedient life that brings honor and praise to our God.

Why?  Where did these parents go wrong?  What mistakes did they make that adversely affected their children’s attitude and behavior?  While I realize that no parent is perfect, if our goal is to raise godly children, who are well prepared for life, then there are some mistakes we should try to avoid making as parents.  Hopefully the following suggestions will be very helpful.  Here are some of the mistakes parents make with their children:

1. Too much guidance.  It is only natural for parents to smother their children with too much guidance.  After all, we don’t want to see our children hurt or disappointed.  So, thinking we are doing them a favor, we try to make their decisions for them.  But, by not allowing them to make many of their own decisions is a disservice to them.  Children who are not allowed to make a mistake and learn from it, suffer from immaturity, and find it hard to make decisions as adults.  They also go running back to mom and dad for guidance instead of turning to their mates as they should be doing, and making life decisions together.

2. Threatening.  Some parents take a strong dictatorial attitude in raising their children as is demonstrated by their saying to them, “As long as you are under my roof . . . ”  While you have the prerogative to be a harsh, demanding dictator, when this approach becomes the primary means of controlling your child’s behavior, the majority of the time that child will decide to live contrary to your wishes just for spite, and will probably leave home as soon as he turns eighteen.  While you may have proved your point that you are in charge, you have lost the battle, and you may have provoked him to the point of becoming dispirited and rebellious.  (Cf. Colossians 3:21).

3. Teaching children to put other things before Christ.  If your goal is to raise godly children, you must teach them the proper priorities in life by demonstrating what those priorities are by your own life.  Some parents inadvertently teach their children that school work, recreational activities and jobs take precedence, and the Lord comes in a distant second.  These children will be raised believing they should attend Bible class and worship services only if nothing else is scheduled for that day and time.

4. Unfair comparisons.  Some children are driven to despair, and to deep-seated anger by being compared with their siblings.  Parents, not all children have the same abilities.  When one with limited academic or athletic ability is compared to a sibling who excels in these areas, the child with limited skills may work to his best potential, and still not achieve the same level of excellence.  As parents, we must give each of our children room and encouragement to be themselves, encouraging them to reach their own potential, and pursue their own likes [within reason] in life.  If we don’t, we will frustrate them and stymie their growth and development.

5. Neither parents or children are perfect.  So, when we discipline our children for their mistakes, we must always let them know they are loved and that although we expect them to correct their mistakes, their wrongs will be forgiven.

Marriage partners are not to be treated as property.  A husband and a wife are to be “one flesh.”  The Bible says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,” (Genesis 2.24).  While it’s true that this statement “one flesh” would include the “sexual union,” it also includes a unity of heart, and a spiritual oneness. If you have truly loosened the ties with your parents and have become a husband or a wife, it’s now time for you to form your own home and family.  But in becoming “one flesh” your mate is not to be treated as property.  They are to be treated as your companion and your equal.  With this in mind, let’s consider some things that indicate you are treating your mate as a “possession” instead of a loved, honored, nurtured and cherished partner.

1] If you refuse to have a mature discussion in order to resolve things, in all probability you also play the “silent treatment” game.  That is, you try to punish your mate, by refusing to “talk” to them until they give in to you and to your view.  If this describes you, then it’s quite evident that you view your mate as “property.”  Oh, eventually your mate will give in just to have something that resembles peace in the home.  And you’ll probably think you’ve won the victory, and you will resort to this tactic again when issues arise that you’re not comfortable in discussing and resolving.  But what you fail to realize is that indulging your mate when they have behaved obediently and punishing them when they are naughty, will eventually lead to their revolting and becoming disenchanted with their relationship with you.

2] I hear numerous complaints of how husbands or wives withhold themselves  “sexually” in order to punish their mates.  If this sounds familiar, you first need to realize that God does not approve of this behavior.  The King James Version of the Bible refers to this as withholding “due benevolence,” (1 Corinthians 7.3).  The New King James Version of the Bible says, this is “what is due her/him…”  This is true because a husband’s body, or a wife’s body belongs to their mate.  Withholding yourself sexually from your mate is wrong because, [1] in doing so you rob your mate of what God says is their’s, and, [2] you put your mate in a position of weakness, and Satan will try to use this to his advantage in leading that person to commit adultery.  If you withhold yourself sexually from your spouse, and Satan uses that to his advantage, and your mate commits adultery, then we have three people who are guilty of sin.  The one who put their mate in this position by robbing him of what is his, the mate who is guilty of adultery, and the one he/she committed adultery with.

Finally, kindness is not to be dispensed as a favor for “good behavior.”  Mean, rude, and disrespectful behavior is not a club with which one partner beats the other with for “being bad.”  Your mate is not a child to be “controlled” by you.  Rather, you are “heirs together of the grace of life…” And you should be seeking the welfare, contentment and happiness of your mate.  Very simply stated, in principle the things that “irked” the American colonies causing them to revolt, will also eventually cause your mate to revolt.  Your mate is your partner, not your property!

I have found these same scenarios being repeated in religion all the time.  For instance, a man has heard the teachings of Jesus and knows what he needs to do to become a Christian, plus he knows that he needs to be a good example to his children, be a better husband, and then live a faithful Christian life.  But he always finds a reason to put it off.  Sadly however, he may never  get around to making these changes.  King Agrippa apparently never got around to it after telling the apostle Paul, “You almost persuade me to become a Christian,” (Acts 26:28).

The best approach to life, is living just one day at a time.  But, the big question is, “How do we do it?”  “How do we go from a life of regret concerning what has happened, and fear of what tomorrow might bring, to living just one day at a time?”  Well it isn’t easy, but it can be done.

Listen to the Lord’s reasoning in Matthew chapter six.  First, in verse twenty-five Jesus’ command is,  “Don’t worry…”  Then in verse twenty-seven Jesus’ question is, “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?”  Terms of  “length” in the Bible are often applied to life, and not to a person’s height.  And that’s probably the case here.  So Jesus’ question is, “Which of you can add length of days to his life by worrying?”  Most of us know that it works just the very opposite.  Worry (i.e., anxiety) tends to shorten the length of our life.  So, Jesus’ conclusion is, “worrying is worthless.”

Also take note of what Jesus says in verse 34.  “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it’s own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  In my estimation, here’s the best part of Jesus’ advice.  This has to do with living one day at a time, and it concludes Jesus’ argument against worrying.  Worrying cannot solve tomorrow’s problems, but it can compound today’s by draining our spiritual and emotional resources we need to face the issues of today.  Of course what we should also understand from the previous verses of chapter six, beginning with verse twenty-five is, the strength to do this is our confidence and trust in God.

Someone else has written, “Today is the day I have been looking for.  All my life has been spent in preparation for it.  Yesterday and tomorrow are faraway nothings – - the one a faint memory, the other a vague promise.  But this is my day.  It offers all that God has to give, and I’m a laggard or a coward if I fail to make the most of it.”  May God help us to place each day we live in His care!

What do you think the most important issue is in raising a moral child is?  Let me suggest it is being raised by parents who have a moral standard that is consistent with the teachings and principles found in the Bible.  When parents live their own personal lives according to the values they are attempting to instill in their children, their example of moral behavior is reinforced in their children.  We say, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”  Never is this more true than it is in parenting.  A parent’s example, whether good or bad is something that is eternally imprinted on his children.  Parents who live according to the old saying, “Do as I say, don’t do as I do,” will not be successful in instilling moral values in their children.

What children need more than anything else today is parents are striving to be faithful Christians.  When children are raised in a home where God reigns supreme, here’s some of the advantages they will have.

1. A stable home environment.  One of the plagues of our society is divorce.  It’s a plague because children need the proper relationship with both parents.  They also need to learn “key” lessons about relationships by observing the relationship between their father and their mother.

2. An atmosphere of love.  Children need to experience the nurturing love they are supposed to get from their parents.  Yet, what many children see and get in their homes is just the opposite.  Either they see abusive behavior taking place between their parents, and they are physically and or verbally abused themselves.

3. An honorable name.  Children learn about honor and respect from being raised by parents who are honorable and respectable people.  Solomon stated it well when he said, “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold,”  (Proverbs 22:1).

4. A suitable work ethic.  Parents need to teach their children to be industrious, how to manage money, and other virtues which will help them succeed in life.  What “chores” do your children do around the house prior to their having time to play?

5. Religious training.  The best way for a child to distinguish between right and wrong is for them to know the word of God.

Many child psychologists oppose parents spanking their children suggesting it is both brutal and abusive.  They add that parents who spank their children are teaching them “hitting” is acceptable behavior. While I fundamentally disagree with their assessment primarily because of what the Bible says, I’ve seen parents discipline their children in a manner I was uncomfortable with.  However, just because some parents cross the line in disciplining their children doesn’t mean that spanking a child, if done correctly, is a bad thing and that parents are wrong for using it as a form of discipline.  That’s too extreme.  I believe the correct answer is somewhere in the middle.  So, let’s discuss some Practical Guidelines for Spanking.

1. Spanking Has A Positive Purpose.  It’s very important for parents to refrain from spanking at the height of their anger because of the obvious size and strength advantage they have.  This advantage makes it easy for parents to harm their child, physically and emotionally without intending to do so.  Our sole purpose in spanking our child is not to demonstrate our superior strength, rather it’s to teach them that their behavior is not acceptable.  And this brings me to the second issue.

2. In Most Instances, Spanking Should Be Your Last Choice of Discipline.  For instance, your son uses his crayons to write on the living room wall.  Your first option in disciplining him is to talk to him, attempting to explain that this is not allowed.  If he does it again, this requires you to scold him in a much sterner voice, making sure you have eye contact with him.  This assures you at least have his attention.  But also make it as clear as possible what he is being scolded for.  If “Michelangelo” is persistent, and does it again, it’s time to spank his bottom, leaving him a memory of his inappropriate behavior.  Because he has deliberately ignored your instructions, he needs to associate consequences are attached to his behavior.  And even in the above instance, some parents can avoid spanking their children altogether because they can achieve the same success in sending them to their room, or by sitting them down for a period of time when no further playing is permitted.  Some call this a “time-out.”  If that works, and it achieves it’s desired goal, and your child doesn’t have to be spanked, that’s fantastic.  You have found an avenue that reinforces your rules.

            3. Explain To Your Child Why They Are Getting Spanked.  Only when teaching and instruction has been given and willfully ignored by your child should you resort to spanking.  But, if you spank first and instruct later, you have the “cart before the horse” and the lesson you teach your child will be negative instead of a positive reinforcement.   When you explain to your child why they are being spanked, you are helping them to associate the uncomfortable feeling they are getting ready to endure with a their behavior.  Soon, they will avoid the behavior to avoid the spanking.  Some say this is “barbaric,” but the God of heaven says this is an act of “love.”  “For whom the Lord loves he chastens and scourges… Now no chastening for the present seems joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised by it,” (Hebrews 12:6,9, 11).

4. Reassure Your Child Of Your Love For Them.  Soon, after the punishment has been given, create the opportunity to reassure your child by giving them a warm, loving smile, a hug, and an “I love you.”  They need to know it’s not them you’re upset with, but their behavior.

Another source of in-law problems is constant criticism, rather than a respect for differences.  The daughter-in-law or son-in-law who always sees herself or himself criticized by in-laws will feel hurt, misunderstood, disrespected, and angry.  Sometimes a dad or a mom will protest by saying, “But my way is the best way to do a certain thing!”  You may be right!  But then again, it may just be the way you have grown accustomed to doing things.  If your daughter-in-law or son-in-law asks you for advice, then you can give it.  Otherwise, follow along silently, and be supportive.  If they make a mistake and something has to be done over again, so what!  Help them do it over again.  The freedom to learn from their mistakes will help them to grow, and it will help you to grow closer to them if you give them this freedom.  Do you want to always be right, or do you want a healthy relationship with your son-in-law or daughter-in-law?

As a spouse you should make certain that your partner always feels valued.  They need to feel as if they are the most important person in your life.  This doesn’t mean you love your parents any less.  And it certainly doesn’t mean that you should in any way disrespect or dishonor your parents.  Paul says in Ephesians 6.2 that as children you are to always “honor your father and mother…”  However, when you made the decision to become a husband or a wife, you also made the decision to leave your father and mother, and cleave to your wife [or husband]; and become one flesh. [Cf. Genesis 2.24; Matthew 19.5].  If you will do this, you’ll find that with the support and cooperation of your parents, most parent-in-law irritations will diminish and even disappear.  It’s your duty as a husband or wife to make you mate feel secure that he/she is valued above all others.  If you will do this, your marriage will flourish.  If you don’t, you’ll not only have in-law problems, you’ll also have problems at home.

This term fornication is generally a broader term than adultery.  Generally the word “fornication” refers to unlawful intercourse of the unmarried (e.g. to avoid fornication one is to marry – 1 Corinthians 7:2-5).  However, the term is also applied to illicit sexual intercourse between married person with those other than their rightful spouse (1 Corinthians 5:1; Revelation 2:20).  Walter Bauer defines the word translated “fornication” as “prostitution, unchastity, fornication of every kind of unlawful intercourse” (A Greek – English Lexicon Of The New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, p. 693).  This definition would include homosexuality, incest, and bestiality.

The term translated “adultery” in Matthew 19:9 means “to have unlawful intercourse with another’s wife…” (Thayer, p. 417).  The noun “adulterer” denotes one who has unlawful intercourse with the spouse of another. (Vine’s, Vol. 1, p. 33).  Adultery is a more specific term than fornication.  It generally refers to sexual activity between a married man and a woman not his wife or between a married woman and a man no her husband.  As the terms are generally used, fornication is the broader term that includes adultery.  Whereas adultery describes only a part of what is included in fornication.

However, it is important to point out that it does not include a man who looks upon a woman to lust (Matthew 5:28).  Though the text does say he has committed adultery in his heart, the Lord is using “adultery” as a poetic metaphor.  Allow me to illustrate what I mean by this statement.  Consider the statement that is made by the inspired writer John in 1 John 3:15, “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”  Is that true?  Is the man who hates his brother a murderer?  No!  Once again the term “murderer” is used as a poetic metaphor.

What should be obvious to the careful Bible student is the “context” of these verses which tells us the message the Lord and John are attempting to convey.  The message is this.  If a man fantasizes sexual thoughts, causing him to deliberately harbor a desire for sexual intercourse with a woman who is not his wife, he will eventually act or attempt to act out his fantasies.  The apostle Peter says that “lust” is indeed a sin, and it is a sin that wars against the soul.  (1 Peter 2:11).  So how do you fight committing the “act” of adultery?  You begin with not doing anything that would cause you to “think” about it.  If you are in the habit of looking at magazines that show graphic nude or semi nude photos of men and women, viewing pornographic pictures, or movies, or reading romance novels that are worked in such a way as to arouse sexual feelings, your mind will soon be filled with adulterous thoughts.  Eventually, your arousal will cause you to seek out sexual gratification.

One source of in-law problems arises when fathers and mothers show no respect for the privacy of their married children.  Fathers and mothers must realize that they no longer have the same privileges with their children when they are married.  Just because they are mom and dad does not mean they can call or come by any time they choose.  A newly married couple needs time with each other to discover and establish what their life together looks like.  And if parents will just step back and give this newly married couple this time and space, they’ll soon learn what their boundaries are.  Plus, they’ll find out the easy way and not because of confrontation.

A second source of in-law problems results from immediately treating this young man or young woman as if they are your own son or daughter.  Now, don’t misunderstand me.  In many ways they should become another son or another daughter, and receive your love and affection.  Yet, many parents have grown accustomed to telling their children what to do, and overruling their decisions where possible.  After all “Father Knows Best!”  Right?  In this instance father knows best only “if” he is asked for input.  Attempting to overrule a son-in-law or a daughter-in-law through their son or daughter is poor judgement and will damage their feelings toward you.

A third source of friction having to do with in-laws is permitting your son or daughter to complain about their mate, telling you about all of their faults.  Parents should not allow a child to do this because, first, hearing bad things will “color” their opinion about their child’s mate.  Second, such an occasion as this should be used to teach their child that it dishonors both them and their mate to voice negative opinions about their mate to others.  Third, this child needs to mature and learn to communicate with their mate about things that bother them.  Fourth, parents would only end up agreeing with their child and taking their side, because this child has been trained to think just like mom and dad anyway.  Only bad can come from parents giving permission to their children to come to them and say negative things about their mate.

Becoming “one flesh” suggests when a man and a woman become husband and wife, that these two unique individuals commit themselves to become one in mind, spirit, goals, direction, emotions, feelings, and will.  Of course in the process of making this a reality, they must feel safe and secure in sharing everything about themselves with their mate.  Even the little things.  And of course, the intimate things as well.  For some this is easy, but for others it’s very difficult.  Yet in time, given a proper environment, couples should begin to open up more and more, and talk about things they have never felt safe in sharing with anyone else.  This is good.  This means that your mate feels that you can be trusted with these intimate details, and that you would always protect their honor.

The Bible says this about “honor” between husbands and wives.  “And let the wife see to it that she respects her husband,” (Ephesians 5:33b).  “She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life,” Proverbs 31:12).  “Strength and honor are her clothing…” (Proverbs 31:25).  While all of these verses talk about the wife, obviously in principle, the same thing applies to the husband.

When a man and woman live together as husband and wife, they come to know each other like no other person knows them.  This means husbands and wives not only know about the positive qualities of their mates, they also know about their failings, the things they struggle with, and their warts.  With an audience, some husbands at the humiliation of their wives have joked about such things as their cooking.  Everyone laughed including his wife, but inwardly she was belittled and hurt.  But this is not just something husbands do.  More and more wives are taking the opportunity to advertise the failings of their husbands when they have ears willing to listen.  But whether it’s husbands or wives doing the talking, it’s wrong!  The immediate result is dishonor!  The future result will be distrust!  This distrust will cause that person to not share their every thought for fear of being dishonored again.

Let me note one final thing about this subject.  If criticism is due, do it privately in the privacy of your home in the spirit of love and helpfulness.  I don’t know what you think your audience thinks about you when you’re degrading your mate in their presence.  It could be that you think it elevates you in their eyes.  And that may be true!  But if it is true, that just says your audience is as dishonorable as you are.  Husbands and wives who have honor and dignity would never think about dishonoring their mates by sharing any intimate details of their relationship with others.